Surprisingly, even though TechCrunch is owned by not one but two enormous corporate entities — the Voltron form of which I like to call Verizaol — we are hit by very little splash from the stream of time-wasting marketing exercises that form a corporation’s very being. Recently, however, we were asked to come up with an internal tagline to explain what TechCrunch is to — I don’t know who actually but some people. Probably the ones with the money.

The exercise on the whole felt like making really serviceable burritos for people who aren’t really hungry they just want to see you making burritos.

To my eternal regret, I solicited feedback from our editorial staff. Something I rarely do in these cases because those who grab hot pokers should expect discomfort.

Anyway, here’s some choice options from our internal Convo thread. Enjoy.

Mint-green Gradient

TechCrunch: With TNW team

Making Gabe Proud

Free two-day delivery

New Star Wars

Tech Real Fast

Not Dead Yet

Distraction, Since 2005

Delivering Food, Faster

Here’s Your Burrito

Om Nom Dotcom

TechCrunch: Serving above average croissants at Disrupt

The Green One

Please Click This

Tap That (mobile optimized)

Internet Website

Not A Cereal

It’s The Future

Wait, What?

Tomorrow’s Tech, Today

We Own This?

What Is It?

Tech, DMs Open

Poppin’ Hot Scoops

Thinkfluencers Growthhack Disruption

Gratuity Not Included

Investable Shower Thoughts

Slide Into Tech

Love That Joker

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